Or is he ? Well, I guess some would say so …
I’ve been listening to Peter Rollins’ series on The Church of the Contradiction … fascinating stuff. Part of what he says is to do with different neuroses – the obsessive and the hysteric. I’m not going to try and go into detail on that – listen to the podcast if you want to follow it up. But it has triggered off some connected thoughts – at least I think they’re connected.
Much of what he’s saying is to do with our search for meaning – and the questions it poses.
Let’s say my whole life is consumed by eradicating poverty. It’s my one and only aim in life. Suppose I achieve that aim. (Or it may be that my aim is to become a millionaire, it doesn’t matter too much what it is)
Once I achieve that aim, I have nowhere to go. Life then becomes pointless. If my aim is to get everything in my life sorted, then it may be that in the process, I will lose the things that make me me.
We’re watching a TV series on Netflix called ‘Manifest.’ The premise is all around a group of people who receive ‘callings’ and the tension that arises between them and the rest of the population.
One of the characters is living with the guilt of having been responsible for the death of his younger sister. His life is absolutely defined by his guilt, and the inability to let that guilt go. His wife is also carrying guilt from her part in a car accident that resulted in the death of her best friend.
In a conversation with his wife, he says … regarding the letting go of the guilt
‘I don’t want to let it go, it’s the only thing I have. If I let go, there’s nothing to keep my connection to her.’
His wife answers – ‘Hang on to the guilt then. There’s no shame in that. I carry my guilt all over the place, it’s a part of us, and you can use that part anytime you want. Our pain can become our strength. Live by your truth.’
The obsessive wants everything all neat and tidy. Everything explained, everything sorted.
By contrast, the hysteric is able to live with incompleteness, with contradictions and uncertainties. With things unresolved.
At least, that’s how I understand it. More research needed.
For now …
Five Short Words 
If your aim in life is to eradicate poverty, stop homelessness, end starvation, and put an end to war, then good luck, I strongly suspect that you will die unfulfilled. If you strive in your life to do what you can; help, give, support, love, share, try to go that bit further, and at the end of your life you can say that you did what could, then you stand a chance of fulfilment. the rest is then up to Christ to judge.
I have reached the age when I reflect on the question “will I die happy?” and I think back to what my brother told me. That is that he was happy to meet his maker. He had been a lifelong Christian, gave and contributed well where he could, there was (mainly) a warm welcome at his house, and had set his family on a good path. He was frustrated with politicians and abused them on occasion for their lack of integrity. But realistically at the age of 86 he knew he could not contribute more. This sounds sad but he was more than comfortable with where he was because he felt that he had fought the good fight.
What I draw from his words is that we must carry on doing what our bodies physically allow us to do for as long as we can. Then, be realistic and be thankful that others are continuing to carry the fight forward. At the same time we must “tick of our life lists” those things we can control. Then we stand a chance of slipping away happily and meeting our maker for judgement. BUT, in the meantime, and whilst you still have the strength, continue to make your voice in support of Christ’s teachings.
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