Or is he ? Well, I guess some would say so …

I’ve been listening to Peter Rollins’ series on The Church of the Contradiction … fascinating stuff. Part of what he says is to do with different neuroses – the obsessive and the hysteric. I’m not going to try and go into detail on that – listen to the podcast if you want to follow it up. But it has triggered off some connected thoughts – at least I think they’re connected.

Much of what he’s saying is to do with our search for meaning – and the questions it poses.

Let’s say my whole life is consumed by eradicating poverty. It’s my one and only aim in life. Suppose I achieve that aim. (Or it may be that my aim is to become a millionaire, it doesn’t matter too much what it is)

Once I achieve that aim, I have nowhere to go. Life then becomes pointless. If my aim is to get everything in my life sorted, then it may be that in the process, I will lose the things that make me me.

We’re watching a TV series on Netflix called ‘Manifest.’ The premise is all around a group of people who receive ‘callings’ and the tension that arises between them and the rest of the population.

One of the characters is living with the guilt of having been responsible for the death of his younger sister. His life is absolutely defined by his guilt, and the inability to let that guilt go. His wife is also carrying guilt from her part in a car accident that resulted in the death of her best friend.

In a conversation with his wife, he says … regarding the letting go of the guilt

‘I don’t want to let it go, it’s the only thing I have. If I let go, there’s nothing to keep my connection to her.’

His wife answers – ‘Hang on to the guilt then. There’s no shame in that. I carry my guilt all over the place, it’s a part of us, and you can use that part anytime you want. Our pain can become our strength. Live by your truth.’

The obsessive wants everything all neat and tidy. Everything explained, everything sorted.

By contrast, the hysteric is able to live with incompleteness, with contradictions and uncertainties. With things unresolved.

At least, that’s how I understand it. More research needed.

For now …