Eleven Warning Signs of Gaslighting

28th Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

I had never heard the term gaslighting until today ! Am I out of touch ? It might originate in the 1944 film where a man uses manipulation to make his wife think she is going out of her mind. There’s a TV series with ‘gaslighting’ in the title that is presumably about the same kind of manipulation. Anyway, when I did a search, I found an article on Psychology today with these eleven signs that will help you spot gaslighting. Can you think of anyone who fits this?

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used to gain power. And it works too well.

1 They tell blatant lies.

2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof.

3 They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.

4 They wear you down over time.

5. Their actions do not match their words

6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you.

7. They know confusion weakens people.

8. They project.

9. They try to align people against you

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.

11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.

Anyone recognise these signs ?

God’s Kingdom Is Like This

26th Jul 202026th Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

Just a thought about the Gospel reading set for today – Matthew chapter 13 verse 33:

33 He told them another parable: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a womAn took and mixed in with three measures of flour until all of it was leavened.’

I have always understood this parable to be saying that God works through the small things, and that small things can have an influence far beyond their size. Hence the parable of the mustard seed as well as the yeast.

However, some scholars would disagree, based on the fact that virtually all the times that yeast in mentioned in the Bible it has a negative meaning. Yeast is usually portrayed as sin, having a harmful effect and tainting our lives. So at Passover, for example, the Jews had to eat unleavened bread to signify being kept pure and free from sin. If you carry this reasoning to the Gospel, as some commentators do, the interpretation of the parable is entirely different.

Anyway, I want to stick with yeast representing God’s activity, since the parable is saying ‘The kingdom of heaven is like …’ But I think we can learn from the fact that this is a very unusual use of yeast in scripture. Doesn’t Jesus often take something and give it a twist, or turn it completely upside down ? I think that’s what he’s doing here.

I think he’s saying effectively- ‘You all think of yeast representing sin, and how sin can get into someone’s life to spoil it. But … let’s suppose in this little parable the yeast stands for God’s activity, how much more will God be at work to bring about the transformation that we need in our lives.

In fact, the passage from St Paul’s letter to the church in Rome that is paired with this Gospel says something similar. ‘The Spirit helps us in our weakness … we are more than conquerors through him who loves us.’ (Romans chapter 8 verses 26,37)

And in Romans chapter 5, we read ‘if sin put crowds of people at the dead-end abyss of separation from God, just think what God’s gift poured through one man, Jesus Christ, will do! There’s no comparison between that death-dealing sin and this generous, life-giving gift.” (Romans 5:15)

To Jesus’ hearers the use of yeast as a picture of God at work would have made them listen because it went against what they had always thought. What brilliant storytelling !

Here’s a short video that some friends of ours have done to illustrate these ‘Parables of the Kingdom.’ As a family they have been doing a Lego video most weeks during lockdown. I think they are absolutely amazing. Enjoy.

Political · World Affairs

The Plight Of The Stateless

25th Jul 202025th Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

We’ve been watching a Netflix series called ‘Stateless’ over the last week or so. It’s about the treatment of refugees in Australia, and it set in a detention camp. It’s not an easy watch as it is ‘inspired by real events’, and therefor has some basis in fact.

Linked with that, we watched the first programme in a series featuring Miriam Margolyes, where she goes on a road trip round Australia to celebrate her new Australian citizenship.

She admits to having a limited, idealised idea of what it means to be Australian, and has her eyes opened to the history of the Aboriginal peoples and the plight of refugees seeking asylum in Australia.

The sadness, repeated over and over again throughout history is the forced displacement of people through colonisation, and because of ethnic and religious difference.

She meets a man from Afghanistan, and a family from the Karen people of Myanmar, who are both in Australia as a result of discrimination and persecution.

it seems ironic that the Australian immigration system is so stacked against refugees when the history of the country is tainted by the genocide of the Aboriginal peoples.

The same of course is true of America, whose history includes so many examples of the abuse of power in land grabbing – primarily from the First Nation American peoples.

And it seems that we are no better, witness the treatment of many who seek asylum in this country and who spend years in detention centres, let alone the scandal of the forced deportation to the Caribbean of those who are from families of the Windrush generation.

Bible · faith · Theology

God Is A Doing Word

23rd Jul 202023rd Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

In my daily prayers, one of the helps I have is a little book by Eugene Peterson called “Praying with Jesus” It’s a year of short readings going through Matthew’s Gospel and then John’s Gospel.

Today was from John chapter 1 – in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him.

The poetic language of the start of John’s Gospel is beautiful. It mirrors the start of Genesis – in the beginning when God created the heavens and the Earth … God said, let there be light.

God speaks and things happen. It reminds me of a talk by theologian Pete Rollins when he suggested that we think of God not so much as a divine being, but a divine doing. (That’s my take on what he said). Actually what Pete Rollins said was ‘God does exist, so much as insist’

So that means that God is a doing word. Maybe that’s what God was trying to say to Moses when he said “tell them that I AM WHO I AM has sent you.”

Which in turn reminds of the song by Massive Attack:

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me, makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Night, night after day
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my…

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

You’re stumbling a little
You’re stumbling a little

There’s a much fuller treatment of the ‘God does not exist’ thread here:

God Does Not Exist

Grace and Peace.

Bible

Elisha And The Little People

21st Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

One of my favourite Old Testament* stories is of the Aramean General Naaman. He has some sort of skin disorder, which in those days would make him unclean – and probably not able to make sacrifices to the Gods of Aram.

In his household is a slave, a young girl captured in one of the wars with neighbouring Ephraim (Israel) to the west. The slave girl somehow knows of the prophet Elisha, and tell her master that he can find healing in Israel. So, Naaman gets permission from the king of Aram and heads off to Israel.

He takes a load of gifts with him – not wanting to provoke any untimely trouble with the king of Israel. Once he gets there, he tells the king of Israel the story of how his slave girl has directed him to come to Israel to find healing. (Although we can work out which king of Israel this is, he is not named in this particular story – perhaps as a way of telling us he’s not the key to the action). Anyway, the king has no idea what to do. He is worried because this could just be a way to provoke Israel to another war with Aram.

Just then, Elisha turns up. He has heard what is going on and comes to bring Yahweh into the picture. He tells Naaman to go and wash in the river Jordan. Naaman sees this as an insult – the rivers back home would be much better surely! Then one of his servants speaks up and advises Naaman that he should do what the prohet is telling him. Naaman takes the advice, washes in the Jordan and is healed. That’s the heart of the story – you can read the whole story in 2 Kings chapter 5.

Things I note – It’s the little people who make a difference here. Firstly Naaman’s captured slave girl getting the whole thing going. And second, Naaman’s servant who encourages him to take Elisha’s guidance.

Then – the role of leadership. The king of Israel seems to think he should be able to answer any question, solve any problem. When someone presents him with a problem he can’t solve, he doesn’t know what to do. The thought that someone else might hold the key doesn’t seem to occur to him ! I know from my experience of leading a church that its easy to fall into the trap of thinking you should have all the answers. After all, that’s what people look to leaders for, isn’t it ? And it can be very seductive. To be someone that people look to for solutions makes you feel very important. But as this story shows us, the king of Israel is on the sidelines here. A lesson for leaders – work at giving away your power and spreading it around. Don’t make yourself the centre of everything. And for those of us who think we’re too insignificant to make a difference – this story tells us otherwise.

And here’s a song to go with it ‘Come to Your River’ by Ibeyi

* As I have mentioned elsewhere, The Old Testament isn’t perhaps the best way to describe this collection of books. It’s the Hebrew Scriptures, or perhaps for Christians The First Testament.

Political

Following the Palestinian Kitchen

18th Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

Greenbelt … For the last 20 years, we’ve been making an annual pilgrimage to the Greenbelt Festival of Arts, Faith and Activism each August Bank Holiday. Sadly, it’s not happening this year, but there is an online mix of what Greenbelt has to offer in this year’s ‘Wild At Home.’

Craftivism … I love it when someone brings activism together with their other passions – as in Craftivism, described by Sarah Corbett, its founder as ‘Gentle protest to provoke reflection and respectful conversation instead of aggression and division’

https://craftivist-collective.com/

Cooking … Another example of this is Phoebe Rison’s Palestinian Kitchen – Personal, Political, Palestinian & Delicious. I watched her cooking this week on one of the latest Greenbelt ‘Wild At Home’ online events. ‘m currently trying to cook a few Palestinian dishes, so this video was perfect for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDHTwOSjE1c

Personal … What is even more exciting than the cooking, is the commentary from Phoebe and her mum Nadia. They talk clearly and powerfully telling their own personal stories. Sadly, a large part of that story is one of great hurt to the Palestinian people. You’ll have to look elsewhere to find out more, I’m not an authority on this subject, but what I do know is that the impact of Israeli land grabbing has caused much injustice.

Water … One of the issues that I wasn’t aware of until this week was the vital importance of water supply. In the UK, we take our water for granted, but I’m guessing that for a majority of the world’s population that is not the case. A major issue in the Jordan valley is access to water. What Palestinian farmers have to contend with is not only the increasing occupation by Israel, but Israel’s control of water. On the Youtube video above, Amost Trust director Chris Rose talks more about this – 34:40 into the video.

BDS … So to action. BDS stands for Boycotting, Divestment and Sanctions. Boycotting means not buying goods and services from any company that profits from the Israeli occupation of Palestine. Divestment is all about not investing in thse companies – so for someone like me that means writing to e.g. Government, Churches etc to lobby them to stop investing. Sanctions again means lobbying our government to put economic pressure on Israel.

Please … Have a think about all of this. Look at the Amost Trust website for example to see how a relatively small charity is making an impact for good on the day to lives of ordinary people.

Grace and peace.

Bible

It’s A Question of Perspective

17th Jul 202018th Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

I was reading this earlier today from Matthew’s Gospel Chapter 26: It’s the Last Supper. The final meal that Jesus eats with his closest friends.

²⁶While they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread, and after blessing it he broke it, gave it to the disciples, and said, ‘Take, eat; this is my body.’ ²⁷Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks he gave it to them, saying, ‘Drink from it, all of you; ²⁸for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. ²⁹I tell you, I will never again drink of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.’

I’m asking three of the questions that we typically ask in a way of engaging with scripture called ‘Godly Play.’

First, I ask myself – which is the part I like best ? Today, it’s those four actions of Jesus – taking bread, blessing, breaking and giving.

Then I ask – Is there a part I find difficult to receive, or hard to understand ? It’s when Jesus says ‘I will never again drink … until I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.’ I’m happy just to sit with that for the moment.

Then I ask – is there a part that is especially about me ? Or – where do I see myself in this passage ? We sometimes read scripture as it were ‘from the outside’ – studying all the meaning of the passage. But it’s also really important to put ourselves in there. Today, I am imagining that I am with those others gathered for this meal with Jesus. And as in my mind Jesus takes the bread, blesses it, breaks it and passes it to me, I am receiving from him, but I am also receiving Jesus himself.

The deeper story that gives extra meaning to this story is the story of the cross. As Jesus is taken, he is offering his life for the life of the world; his life is a life blessed by God as no other life before or since; he was broken for us – his life given for us; and all the fruit of the life and work of Jesus is given to all who will receive.

And in the same way, we are called to offer our lives for God to take and bless. And yes, there will be brokenness as well. Everyone who has loved knows that loving is a risky business and often involves hurt and pain. But it is only through this risk taking life that we are able to truly give ourselves to one another and to the world.

There’s a wonderful short story called ‘The Gift of The Magi’ by the American writer O. Henry that in summary goes like this:

It’s Christmas Eve. Jim and Della are poor, and in love. They each want to buy a gift for the other.

But because they have little money, each of them, without telling the other, decide to sell something they have that will enable them to buy a gift for the other.

Now Della has beautiful long hair … and she knows that she can get a good price at the wigmakers

And Jim has a pocket watch left to him by his father. And he knows that it has some value.

So Della has her hair cut off, and sells it to the wigmaker, and with the money she buys a watch chain for Jim’s pocket watch

And Jim sells his watch to buy a beautiful comb fit for Della’s hair.

And as he comes home to give her the comb for her hair, they discover that there is no beautiful long hair for the comb, and there is no watch for the chain, but in that moment, they discover something even more precious, they understand something of the love that each of them has – a love that is willing to make a sacrifice for the one we love.

Grace and Peace

Songwriting

Working Hard At Writing Songs

16th Jul 202016th Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

One of the challenges for me is comong up with new songs. I was playing the guitar yesterday, and out of nowhere came one line of words and a melody for a verse. The line was ‘Swimming against the tide.’

Now I’ve a got a whole load of ideas – the main one being to do with finding the energy and hope to keep going with something when it seems the odds are aginst you.

So I’ve got these snippets …

I don’t understand why I always have to make it hard; Growing older now, should I try to make it easy on myself

I’m getting tired now – think I’ll just sit back and go with the flow

Going against the grain, I’ve got splinters in my hands; Swimming against the tide, I’m just making waves

I’ll come back when I’ve got more …. to be continued.

Uncategorized

Do I agree with Jesus ?

15th Jul 202015th Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

I was reading today in Matthew’s Gospel Chapter 26. Jesus is at the home of someone called Simon the Leper. An unnamed woman anoints his head with a very expensive far of prefumed oil. The disciples are not happy – the oil could have been sold and the money used for the poor. Jesus disagrees – ‘You will always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me …what she has done today will be remembered whenever the Gospel is preached’

How do we read scripture ? It’s easy to assume that we’re supposed to read it from the ‘right’ point of view. This usually means seeing it from the perspective of the ‘good’ person. To be on the side of the angels. To see things from the point of view of the underdog. To side with the poor.

So in this passage, I want to see it from the disciples’ angle. I think they’re right. The money could have been used for the poor. And I would hope that Jesus would agree, and tell her to stop. But he doesn’t. Uhh ?

Any thoughts ?

Grace and Peace.

Uncategorized

The Prophets and the Plotters

15th Jul 202015th Jul 2020 Jonnyfun.ELeave a comment

I’m reading through the First (Old) Testament book of 1 Kings. There’s a story about a guy called Naboth, who had a vineyard that had been in his family for generations. The King, Ahab, rather liked the vineyard and offered to buy it from Naboth. Naboth politely declined – the vineyard was part of his heritage, that he would hope to pass on to his children. Ahab was a weak man, but he had a formidable wife, and when he told her about his disappointment, she promised to fix it.

She had someone accuse Naboth of cursing God and the King, and rigged the trial so that he was convicted and stoned to death. As Naboth was convicted of blasphemy, his property was confiscated and given to the king. (Surprise, surprise). Now. Elijah the prophet heard about what had happened, and he went to visit Ahab, and told him that he wasn’t going to get away with this act of murder and theft. He would come to a sticky end.

There are two forces at work here. One is the scheming of Jezebel, and the other is the word of the prophet. Jezebel didn’t like it when Elijah went against her and Ahab. In her eyes, the power of King and the power of Yahweh (God) should work hand in hand. True – the King owed his power to Yahweh, but Yahweh should act in favour of the king – surely ?

This is the age old question of church and state. The church needs the state to support religion, and the state would like to have God’s approval. At its worst, church and state are completely in bed with each other, and any integrity goes out of the window.

Jump forward to Matthew chapter 26. Another prophet, and another plotter. This time the prophet is Jesus, who is predicting his own death. Meanwhile, the priestly leaders, led by High Priest Caiaphas have got to the end of their patience with Jesus. They have realised that he cannot be controlled by the religious leaders. Their spiritual authority has been watered down by their concessions to political expediency. So they actively start to plot his death.

Plotters and prophets – one looking for self advancement, and the other seeking to find the God way. The lure of self promotion can be subtle and very inviting, that’s why religious leaders are so vulnerable.